Squat and Breathe

I just got back from California where with a mix of wonder, amazement and pride, I joyously watched my baby boy graduate from The College of Creative Studies at U.C. Santa Barbara.

Looking at my son, John, and his fellow graduates in all their brilliance and creativity, I could see a future of infinite hope and possibility. I could also see...I've been a good Mom.

Well, it's June! School's ending. Summer's starting. I imagine there are a number of ways you might be feeling about that. There's no "right" way to feel, but I'm curious, "How is that for you?"

I really want to support you with exactly the tips you need for calm, confident parenting all summer long! To do this, I need you to answer two questions:

1) "What's your biggest parenting challenge?"

2) "What's the one burning question you wish you could ask me about parenting or discipline?"

You will find a link at the bottom of this post to easily answer these questions for me so I can send my most relevant parenting tips to your inbox every 2 weeks ... cool, huh?

Are you a scary giant?

I know it might sound unreasonable, but when your little one starts to get dys-regulated, (i.e. starts whining, being defiant, or melting down) getting down to your child's level can make the difference between a situation that ESCALATES and one that SETTLES DOWN. So squat down to his or her level and breathe.

Did you know your child could feel threatened simply by you standing over them? It's true! That's because a young child's brain is still dominated by the amygdala, the primitive, survival brain responsible to protect them from danger. Squatting down immediately decreases your child's unconscious fear response and breathing is regulating for you.

From this level it's also much easier to establish eye contact - not by trying to force it, but from a place of calm presence. This kind of eye contact calms your child down and helps you and your child feel closer. Why? Because it releases oxytocin, the anti-stress hormone in your child's brain (and yours too!)

Can you imagine how good it will feel to be the safe haven in the storm rather than the thunder?

In support,

Kathy

P.S. Please go to this link now and answer the two questions. http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/F32MDLD

The Wizard of Oz & Mr. T...huh?

You know how in the "Wizard of Oz" the wizard appears big and loud and frightening and mean?

Remember at the end when Dorothy and her three friends are cowering before him ..... Toto pulls the curtain back to reveal a small, uncertain, scared little man hiding the curtain?

In my recent tele-class, I compared your child's challenging behaviors like: defiance, disrespect, aggression and even withdrawal to the big, scary projection of the wizard. I showed you that if you pull back the curtain you'll see a small, scared, overwhelmed child behind those behaviors.

With that in mind, I just had to share this short, fun video in which my friend and mentor, child behavior expert, Bryan Post, shows how "time-in" gets through to the scared child behind the curtain.

Doesn't it make sense to lovingly connect to your child when he or she feels overwhelmed?

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxFvQI89z4c

Mom ... Dad ... This is where it's at!

What do you think?

Don't You Want Some Attention Too ?

You know how hard it is to stop what you’re doing and calm down for a minute? It’s like there’s always something you have to do – even more at this time of year!
 
I’ll be brief.
 
I bet you tend to take care of everyone else before yourself, right? Then, it’s really hard for there to be anything left by the end of the day for you. Ask me how I know! 

What if taking care of yourself and nourishing your spirit is the BEST way to take care of everyone else – like putting the mask on first in an airplane?
 
I know it may be almost impossible for you to imagine making time for yourself right now, and that’s OK. You don’t have to!
 
But what if takes less than 7 minutes: the same time it takes for one commercial break, waiting on line in the bank or for your coffee to brew?
 
Don't you deserve 7 minutes devoted to YOU?
 
It may not seem like much, when you crave so much more but actually taking a baby step will go a lot further than doing nothing because it doesn’t feel like enough. Remember, without your baby’s first step they wouldn’t be running.

Your special gift this week is an audio that’s less than 7 minutes to nourish your spirit and help you feel calmer. Use the amazing, creative, problem solving skills everyone else counts on you for to find a quiet, comfortable place to be alone. It really will help and may be the best gift you give your family this season.

Download your audio here: http://tinyurl.com/27ymnqm

Practicing self-care is probably THE most important action you can take for the health and happiness of your children - to make them feel safe and help them feel good about themselves. That's why I’m totally committed to you having that in the coming year. Stay tuned…

Can I give you a KISS?

You know those special holiday activities you want to have fun doing with your kids? Maybe it’s baking cookies, seeing holiday lights or a performance, or skating.

It doesn’t always go as you imagined, does it? You really have the best intentions and want so much to enjoy the experience with your child…but it’s TOO MUCH!

And when it gets to be too much, then no one’s having fun!

This week’s tip is to KISS – Keep It Super Simple!

Take whatever activity you want to do. Cut it in half! And then in half again! As a matter of fact, cut the whole to do list down while you’re at it.

Then, remember that the activity is the WHOLE time you spend with your child. What if the time waiting on line to see Santa, or the show, etc. was the best part of the whole experience for your child - the time they looked back on and always remembered? Imagine…

Want to bake cookies with your child? No, no not all those fancy cookies you have in mind! That never goes well. It’s not really about the cookies. Did you know that eating comfort food with your child releases Oxytocin, (the anti-stress hormone,) in your brain, allowing you and your child to feel a greater sense of connection and wellbeing?

So Keep It Super Simple and make comfort cookies – Rice Krispies Treats!

Here's a link to the classic recipe! http://www.ricekrispies.com

Enjoy!

Why I'm NOT wishing you happy holidays...

Right after Thanksgiving, I asked my friend with young kids how she was doing. “I’m doing my best to survive the holidays!” she responded.

Can you relate?

Never mind visions of sugar plum fairies in your head…more likely it’s visions of the kids off school fighting with each other, or visions of your 6 year old having a tantrum when it’s time to sit down to dinner with your parents who flew in to spend the holidays enjoying their grandchildren.

I figured you didn’t need one more person telling you to be happy!

When you’re fighting daily battles with your kids, even the thought of the holidays can be overwhelming. You may not know how to solve the problems at home yet, but you CAN do one thing right now…BREATHE.

That’s right.If nothing else…BREATHE.

And what if it was enough… for now?

I know breathing alone won’t solve all your problems. It CAN, however, have a profound effect on how calm you feel. A calm parent is more present and effective no matter what the problems.

Want to learn how to become 50% -100% calmer with just a few breaths done right? Your own breath can be your best parenting ally. Watch my short video here.

To receive an amazingly simple tip to make the holidays easier AND a special little gift from me to you every week this month, put your name and email in the boxes at the top right.

Here’s to the possibility of more fun this season!

Kathy

Freedom & Safety - Part 2

Did you know that stress and fear cause your thinking to become confused and distorted and make you forget what you know? If your anxiety and worry about your child seem out of proportion to the current situation, it could be because you are being triggered by a past experience, perhaps even in childhood. In this state of stress, you are not going to be able to think clearly enough to make the best decision you could.

Let's say you are trying to decide whether to give your child freedom in a certain area like going to school by him or her self, staying alone for a given time, or going to the corner store or a friend’s house alone. Naturally, the answer depends on many factors; your child’s age, their temperament, where you live, etc. All the factors need to be assessed from a reasonable, rational place in order to create a safe environment for your child.

The Secret is: Your brain needs to be calm to access that reasonable rational place. What that means is that taking care of your own stress is probably the best thing you can do for your child. As parents, it's easy to think of taking care of ourselves as selfish, therefore, bad. The thing is, your children learn to take care of them selves from how we treat ourselves, not how we treat them! So go ahead and do something you've been meaning to do just for you. You'll feel better and so will your child!

Next week, I'll talk about how what you feel can be even more important than what you say or do!

Would you like help de-activating your triggers? Just email me at kwhithamrn@gmail.com or schedule a complimentary strategy session.

How Much Freedom is Safe For Your Child?

As parents, we want more than anything for our children to be safe. Our worst nightmare is that something may happen to our child. None of us would question our responsibility to keep our children safe. At the same time, however, we also want our children to become responsible and independent. The problem is, “How do you find the right balance between safety and freedom for your child?”

The solution is to be able to accurately assess what is and isn’t safe for your child by sorting out your own fearfulness, and then to do what’s best for your child from a place of calm clarity. This will develop in your child the self-confidence, good judgment, and ability to trust that he or she needs to safely and successfully navigate the outside world.

Over the next three weekly posts, I’m going to share why it is crucial to sort out whether you are being overly fearful or just using good judgment and reasonable caution. I’ll also let you in on 3 secrets you need to know to successfully find the safety-freedom balance that’s right for you and your child.

Sneak Preview: Did you know that STRESS causes confused and distorted thinking and makes you forget what you know?

Stay tuned...

In the meantime for support in ending the constant worry and developing the calm confidence that will help you find that balance between freedom and safety for your child, apply for a complimentary strategy session today.