A timely tip to build self-confidence

October 2011

I'm back! Did September go as fast for you as it did for me? Can I be honest with you? I've been letting the fact that I "should" have connected with you sooner freeze me up from just sitting down and writing to you. So today I got support by telling my hubby how immobile I was feeling and I took action by walking to my local coffee shop to write to you. I decided to free up the energy that it takes to NOT do something and remember my own advice - connection matters more than perfection!

I love the way you inspire me!

This month's tip is to MAKE MORE STATEMENTS and ASK FEWER QUESTIONS.

When my kids were little we would spend a lot of time at my parent's house. It was like a window into my own childhood. Lunch would go something like this: Are you ready for lunch? Do you want bologna or peanut butter? Do you want your bread toasted? Butter? Cut in triangles or squares? It's a lot to ask of a little kid!

In our desire to make our children happy and give them what they want, we have to be careful that we don't shift the parenting responsibility to them. Too many questions can feel overwhelming to a child. By taking responsibility, as the parent, for decisions about what's best for your child, you model self-confidence, build trust and become a secure anchor for your child.

Next time try, "It's lunch time. Here's your favorite sandwich." YOU know when they need to eat and what they like.

In Support,
Kathy

PS: Would you like help with your parenting challenges? You can easily schedule a 50 minute Peace at Home Parenting Consultation here:
https://my.timedriver.com/SPQT6

Defining Success

As I sit at the kitchen table drinking warm ginger tea at dusk on a summer cool, New England evening, the question of how I define success as a mompreneur is tumbling in my head.

I find myself thinking that I would definitely be drinking coffee were it morning. Earlier today I had an epiphany that I don’t like being told that coffee’s not good for me! I gather myself around my coffee in the morning and take pleasure in the deliciousness of the dark, locally-roasted fresh-ground beans brewing their scent into the kitchen. Yup! Today I stopped “shoulding” on my coffee and decided to simply enjoy it without apology - a good metaphor, don’t you think?

My cup of Bali or Ethiopian anchors and inspires me as I plan the business of my day - listening inside to what I require to move my business forward and feel fulfilled at the end of the day. The answers come as I sip.

As a mompreneur, I can now put all the energy I want into the entrepreneur part without having to work around my three kids - now grown. But it wasn’t always like this and it’s the MOM part of mompreneur where I measure my success.

Back when they were younger, I was single and self-employed. I don’t even think the word mompreneur existed. Mostly, I felt overwhelmed and exhausted trying to survive each day, be a good mom and make money in a way that was both flexible and satisfying. Looking back, I would give anything to have known how to get the support I so desperately needed so I could have been calmer and more present with my kids and been able to enjoy them the way I wanted. At the time, I saw no alternative to being superwoman. This left me stressed out and physically compromised.

As my kids got older, I began to understand the impact my stress was having on them and knew I needed to change. With support, I became more emotionally present, and began to take better care of myself. I realized I didn’t have to do it all. These changes were key to the amazing relationships I have with my children and the creation of a business that allows me live my passion by helping families enjoy peace and harmony at home. At the core of my success is knowing that connection matters more than perfection.

So how do I define success? I look into the face of each of my children: The sweet dancing eyes of my oldest daughter who reclaimed her life from drugs 5 years ago and now lives with gusto, laughter and love; The deep turquoise pools of courage and determination in my middle one to boldly live the full beauty and expression of who he is; and the copper reflection, in my youngest son, of the brilliance, longing and possibility of a dancing physicist.

When I look at them...I see success.

Squat and Breathe

I just got back from California where with a mix of wonder, amazement and pride, I joyously watched my baby boy graduate from The College of Creative Studies at U.C. Santa Barbara.

Looking at my son, John, and his fellow graduates in all their brilliance and creativity, I could see a future of infinite hope and possibility. I could also see...I've been a good Mom.

Well, it's June! School's ending. Summer's starting. I imagine there are a number of ways you might be feeling about that. There's no "right" way to feel, but I'm curious, "How is that for you?"

I really want to support you with exactly the tips you need for calm, confident parenting all summer long! To do this, I need you to answer two questions:

1) "What's your biggest parenting challenge?"

2) "What's the one burning question you wish you could ask me about parenting or discipline?"

You will find a link at the bottom of this post to easily answer these questions for me so I can send my most relevant parenting tips to your inbox every 2 weeks ... cool, huh?

Are you a scary giant?

I know it might sound unreasonable, but when your little one starts to get dys-regulated, (i.e. starts whining, being defiant, or melting down) getting down to your child's level can make the difference between a situation that ESCALATES and one that SETTLES DOWN. So squat down to his or her level and breathe.

Did you know your child could feel threatened simply by you standing over them? It's true! That's because a young child's brain is still dominated by the amygdala, the primitive, survival brain responsible to protect them from danger. Squatting down immediately decreases your child's unconscious fear response and breathing is regulating for you.

From this level it's also much easier to establish eye contact - not by trying to force it, but from a place of calm presence. This kind of eye contact calms your child down and helps you and your child feel closer. Why? Because it releases oxytocin, the anti-stress hormone in your child's brain (and yours too!)

Can you imagine how good it will feel to be the safe haven in the storm rather than the thunder?

In support,

Kathy

P.S. Please go to this link now and answer the two questions. http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/F32MDLD

The Wizard of Oz & Mr. T...huh?

You know how in the "Wizard of Oz" the wizard appears big and loud and frightening and mean?

Remember at the end when Dorothy and her three friends are cowering before him ..... Toto pulls the curtain back to reveal a small, uncertain, scared little man hiding the curtain?

In my recent tele-class, I compared your child's challenging behaviors like: defiance, disrespect, aggression and even withdrawal to the big, scary projection of the wizard. I showed you that if you pull back the curtain you'll see a small, scared, overwhelmed child behind those behaviors.

With that in mind, I just had to share this short, fun video in which my friend and mentor, child behavior expert, Bryan Post, shows how "time-in" gets through to the scared child behind the curtain.

Doesn't it make sense to lovingly connect to your child when he or she feels overwhelmed?

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxFvQI89z4c

Mom ... Dad ... This is where it's at!

What do you think?

Don't You Want Some Attention Too ?

You know how hard it is to stop what you’re doing and calm down for a minute? It’s like there’s always something you have to do – even more at this time of year!
 
I’ll be brief.
 
I bet you tend to take care of everyone else before yourself, right? Then, it’s really hard for there to be anything left by the end of the day for you. Ask me how I know! 

What if taking care of yourself and nourishing your spirit is the BEST way to take care of everyone else – like putting the mask on first in an airplane?
 
I know it may be almost impossible for you to imagine making time for yourself right now, and that’s OK. You don’t have to!
 
But what if takes less than 7 minutes: the same time it takes for one commercial break, waiting on line in the bank or for your coffee to brew?
 
Don't you deserve 7 minutes devoted to YOU?
 
It may not seem like much, when you crave so much more but actually taking a baby step will go a lot further than doing nothing because it doesn’t feel like enough. Remember, without your baby’s first step they wouldn’t be running.

Your special gift this week is an audio that’s less than 7 minutes to nourish your spirit and help you feel calmer. Use the amazing, creative, problem solving skills everyone else counts on you for to find a quiet, comfortable place to be alone. It really will help and may be the best gift you give your family this season.

Download your audio here: http://tinyurl.com/27ymnqm

Practicing self-care is probably THE most important action you can take for the health and happiness of your children - to make them feel safe and help them feel good about themselves. That's why I’m totally committed to you having that in the coming year. Stay tuned…

Can I give you a KISS?

You know those special holiday activities you want to have fun doing with your kids? Maybe it’s baking cookies, seeing holiday lights or a performance, or skating.

It doesn’t always go as you imagined, does it? You really have the best intentions and want so much to enjoy the experience with your child…but it’s TOO MUCH!

And when it gets to be too much, then no one’s having fun!

This week’s tip is to KISS – Keep It Super Simple!

Take whatever activity you want to do. Cut it in half! And then in half again! As a matter of fact, cut the whole to do list down while you’re at it.

Then, remember that the activity is the WHOLE time you spend with your child. What if the time waiting on line to see Santa, or the show, etc. was the best part of the whole experience for your child - the time they looked back on and always remembered? Imagine…

Want to bake cookies with your child? No, no not all those fancy cookies you have in mind! That never goes well. It’s not really about the cookies. Did you know that eating comfort food with your child releases Oxytocin, (the anti-stress hormone,) in your brain, allowing you and your child to feel a greater sense of connection and wellbeing?

So Keep It Super Simple and make comfort cookies – Rice Krispies Treats!

Here's a link to the classic recipe! http://www.ricekrispies.com

Enjoy!

Why I'm NOT wishing you happy holidays...

Right after Thanksgiving, I asked my friend with young kids how she was doing. “I’m doing my best to survive the holidays!” she responded.

Can you relate?

Never mind visions of sugar plum fairies in your head…more likely it’s visions of the kids off school fighting with each other, or visions of your 6 year old having a tantrum when it’s time to sit down to dinner with your parents who flew in to spend the holidays enjoying their grandchildren.

I figured you didn’t need one more person telling you to be happy!

When you’re fighting daily battles with your kids, even the thought of the holidays can be overwhelming. You may not know how to solve the problems at home yet, but you CAN do one thing right now…BREATHE.

That’s right.If nothing else…BREATHE.

And what if it was enough… for now?

I know breathing alone won’t solve all your problems. It CAN, however, have a profound effect on how calm you feel. A calm parent is more present and effective no matter what the problems.

Want to learn how to become 50% -100% calmer with just a few breaths done right? Your own breath can be your best parenting ally. Watch my short video here.

To receive an amazingly simple tip to make the holidays easier AND a special little gift from me to you every week this month, put your name and email in the boxes at the top right.

Here’s to the possibility of more fun this season!

Kathy