I’ve heard the words, “I just want my son or daughter to be able to come and talk to me…” from almost every parent who has consulted with me.
Imagine being that parent whose child feels like they can come talk to you about anything - what they’re feeling, what’s going on at school, with friends, with drugs…
In my experience both with my own children and the families I’ve worked with over the past 5 years, there are 3 requirements for that to become even more possible:
- Learn your child’s language
- Make a space for connection to happen
- Listen more, talk less.
Did you know that you and your child speak different languages? You might be saying the same words, but your child is also speaking the language of behavior. Your child’s difficult behavior (including hurtful, triggering words) is not an attack on you - it’s actually an SOS! If you can learn to understand it as such, your child will feel heard. That will open the door to more open, honest communication.
Make a Space For Connection
I know you already spend a LOT of time with your child, but this is different! Find a consistent, predictable time when your child can “plug in” to you and have your undivided attention, for even a few minutes, with no agenda - a special time they can count on every day or every week, depending on their age.This space will nurture connection like nothing else I know and encourage your child to talk to you more.
Listen More, Talk Less!
This is HARD...but magical!
What one helpful bit you are taking away from this post? Let me know in the comments below. It's enough to simply practice that one awareness or action this week...
In this month’s Tuesday Toolkit teleclass on April 8th, I will be delving more deeply and practically into these 3 requirements so you have the opportunity to:
learn to understand the message behind your child’s behavior
nurture and support your connection with your child.
receive simple, concrete tools to take with you after the call which you can use to practice what you learn.
enjoy more peace at home
Should you choose to receive this $17 class either live or via audio, just click here: http://parentingbeyondwords.com/tuesdaytoolkit
I welcome all your questions, comments, struggles and stories here with open arms.
Warmly in support,