Sunday, March 11, 2012
Tired of Hearing Your Child Say, "NO!"
So, I'm wondering...are you tired of hearing your child say "NO" to you?
Do you run into resistance every time you ask your child to do something like, "Get dressed for school," "Come to dinner," "Pick up your clothes," or "Leave your brother alone"? Perhaps your child just ignores you as you repeat yourself 20 times! But often, it's an outright, immediate and defiant, "NO"!
It's time to Stop, Drop and Breathe.
When your child says "NO," it can make you want to push right back and try to exert control! The problem is that no matter how reasonable the thing you're asking of your child is, simply the act of asking it triggers a split second reaction to the "threat" of change or transition in your child's little survival brain. The "NO" is like a spark. It's the same as if a saber-toothed tiger suddenly appeared!
Breathe and stay with me here while I share something important...
In that defiant moment is where you have the greatest opportunity to teach your child the values you want most for them: responsibility, respect, empathy and cooperation. But not if you ignite the spark! Your power as a parent lies in cooling the fire rather than fueling the fire.
So how do you do this?
STOP, DROP AND B-R-E-E-A-T-H-E
#1 STOP - stop talking
#2 DROP - drop down to your child's level (or step back)
#3 B-R-E-E-A-T-H-E - If you say it like this, you'll BREATHE OUT FIRST which is what you want to do to stop your stress reaction. Then take 3 more deep breaths IN AND OUT. This will pull you back from the end of your rope.
It doesn't matter how many parenting tools you have in your toolbox if when you need them - you can't open your toolbox or even find it! When you Stop, Drop, and Breathe you cool the fire and allow your child the space to make the transition so they can listen better and feel connected to you at the same time.
To find out more about how to go from stress to success when dealing with resistance, defiance, disrespect and just plain not listening come to my free tele-class this Tuesday, March 13th. Just go to http://www.parentingbeyondwords.com/312teleclass